Wednesday Night At Claire's Grandma's House

[Ryanator]

This story goes back about five, maybe six years ago and involves myself, Smit and our friend Claire.

It was a Wednesday and we all had the day off so we were just hanging about, talking shit and killing time. After a few hours of mindless conversation, it became apparent that we all had the following day off too. Claire made the suggestion that it might be fun to head up to Perth for the night and check out some clubs. Smit and I, being the lazy shites we are, were initially uninterested in the idea, as this would involve us having to find a way of getting to Perth and accommodation. I will point out that we did both have our licenses and cars at the time but this would involve some effort on our behalf. Claire volunteered to drive up there and said we could also stay at her Grandma’s place, as she wouldn’t be home while we were there. Problem solved! We were heading to Perth!

We packed some shit, piled into Claire’s car and made way to Perth. As soon as we arrived, Smit and I dumped our bags in our room and started to hit the sauce. The room we were given had obviously been made up for a very young girl. There was a bunk bed that was probably four foot long, floral curtains, frilly pink doonas and a shitload of teddy bears. We didn’t care. By the time we’d be heading to bed, we’d be blind drunk anyway.

After a few hours of drinking at Claire’s Grandma’s house we decided to check out this club that Claire had been raving about. She opted to drive as she hadn’t had much to drink and didn’t want to cab it (score!). After what seemed like a three hour drive, we made it to the club, headed in and grabbed a drink (a drive always seems longer when you’re busting for a piss).

We stayed at the club for about four hours and then decided to call it a night. Oh yeah, I should also mention that Smit and I were plastered beyond belief by the time we left. We had discovered new levels of drunkenness that night. The drive back to Claire’s Grandma’s house is a complete blank for the both of us.

Morning came. I awoke in the bottom bunk of this tiny bed with my legs hanging out over the edge, sporting a hangover of epic proportions. I kicked the top bunk to wake Smit but he was already awake. I hear him say to me in a groggy voice “Did you get up in the middle of the night and power-spew all over me?” My mind started racing but I couldn’t remember having a spew. I didn’t even have any chunks in my mouth. “No!” I replied. I had to see what he was talking about.

I hopped up out of the bottom bunk to see Smit lying on the top bunk, wrapped up in a vomit-covered doona. He had destroyed this little girl’s bed. The pinks and whites on the doona had all been replaced by shades of brown and orange. While I was too hungover to laugh at the time, I found this incredibly funny.

I could tell that Claire was not impressed but she put on a sympathetic face for Smit. If I was her I would have been pissed! Needless to say we never got another invitation to stay at Claire’s Grandma’s house ever again.

[smit]

Ha ha that was vintage smith...gold. I knew it was my yak because there was a chewy in it (quitting smoking stage) I tried washing the blanket the next day but no way I could have got away with it, would have been easier to throw it in a park somewhere.